I was a 24 year old mother of two young children, 2 and 5 years old, when I discovered I was pregnant. I was in a relationship with the father; however, I was married to someone else. My husband and I were in the middle of a divorce, and none of us were making ends meet.
I knew I couldn’t keep my daughter, but I couldn’t end her life either. She was a part of me. I knew I had to take responsibility for the decisions I made. I was sad. My children would not grow up with their sibling, but I knew adoption was the best decision…for her.
Graceful Adoptions showed me three family profiles. I looked through each profile and after a day or two, I selected a family. Without telling my sister who I selected, I sent her the profiles and asked her who she thought was the best fit. She picked the same family I did!
I picked a single mother who is a nurse. She had a beautiful house with a yard for my daughter to play in. I knew she would be loved unconditionally and have a stable environment.
I met the woman I selected to be my daughter’s mom about a month and a half before my daughter was born. She traveled to come to a few doctor appointments with me. Three days before my due date, we went to an appointment together and I was 5 cm dilated.
I picked up my oldest child at the bus stop and after getting the kids settled I was dropped off at the hospital where I met up with the adoptive mom. At 5:40 pm they broke my water. The baby was immediately in trouble. They threw oxygen on me and nothing worked. I was then told to prepare for an emergency c- section. The baby was born at 6:20 pm. She was almost 7 pounds and completely healthy.
Although the hospital was supposed to provide the adoptive mother her own room, they were full. So we all stayed in the same room for 4 days. While it was nice to spend more time with the adoptive mother, it really was difficult to spend that much time with my daughter before I placed her. But looking back I’m glad we had that time together. By the end of the 4 days we knew everything about each other and we felt like family. I knew my daughter would be loved unconditionally and have everything I want for her and more.
She will be raised knowing that we are her biological family. The first year I received 4 updates which included pictures and notes of her milestones. From ages 1 to 18 I’ll get an update every 6 months and I get to see her once a year. Her mother even emails when my 2 older kids have birthdays. A week after she turned one they came for a visit. With mixed emotions I found comfort in watching her play with her brother and sister. I think the adoption is easier because I know I can see her and I get the updates – I live for them. I think about her every day.
I believe I made the best and most difficult decision any mother could make for the two children she had and the one that she wanted but knew that she couldn’t afford to care for. I never even considered the other options. I knew in my heart that she was a miracle and she was completely unexpected. I believe that she will make some kind of change in this world. I think she was brought into my life to make me better and stronger.
If you are considering adoption, the most important thing to do is to follow your heart. Trust your instincts. Do what you feel is the best thing for you and your baby. You have plenty of time to explore your options. Don’t let people try to alter your decision, you thought about adoption for a reason. Talk to someone who can help you with your decision like a therapist or an adoption agency, like Graceful Adoptions. Regardless, whether you choose adoption or you choose to parent your child or you choose abortion, it’s a decision that you will have to live with until the day you die. Your friends and family will not live with the decision, but you will. Follow your heart.
Stephanie D.
Wareham, MA
