My name is Sarah. I’m sharing my story because I want other mothers to know there is hope in what often feels like a hopeless situation.
I know many of you reading this will judge me in a negative light for the decision I made. I understand there is nothing I can do about that judgement and everyone will see this from their own lens based on their own life experiences and the decisions they would make.
For those of you who struggle with a similar experience, I want you to know there is hope.
I love my son. I carried him to term, endured 55 hours of labor, have stretch marks and scares all over my body. I struggled to give him what I thought he deserved for years.
Like so many women, I was in an unhealthy relationship and wanted to place my child for adoption at birth. At the time, the father and my family said they would be there to help. Time passes. Along with all the holes he put in the walls with his fist, just after his son’s birth he left.
I found myself a single mother with a newborn. Family does what they can, but ultimately it really isn’t there responsibility or their burden to carry. I get a job to support us. I was working so much to make ends meet, I didn’t get much time with my son. Ultimately, I made too much money – it was barely enough to pay rent and the baby sitter – but I was still denied food stamps and child care assistance from the state.
I was so exhausted from working, taking care of my son, cleaning, and cooking. Breaks and help were few and far between.
Daycare isn’t supposed to raise my child and that isn’t what I wanted for him either. I wanted him to have the opportunities I had growing up. My mom was adopted and she had a great childhood too. I wanted him to play sports and get involved in other extracurricular activities. I wanted him to appreciate fresh air and the outdoors. I wanted him to have the chance to succeed in school and go on to college. I wanted him to have the attention he needs and deserves to thrive.
Over the weeks, months, and years I researched and tried numerous options. Respite. Take a pay cut or even quit my job so I can get state assistance. Family. Foster care. Roommate.
One day I came across Graceful Adoptions’ website. While I had considered adoption and dismissed the option through other agencies, I thought there was something different about this agency. Over the coming weeks and months working with Graceful Adoptions, I found them to be hyper-focused on me and my son’s needs. They didn’t quickly agree to place my child for adoption, they reviewed all my options with me, they provided counseling, and checked my decision a hundred different times and ways.
They found the perfect family. I truly mean the perfect family for me and my son. There were so many things I wanted in a family, I thought that we would find some of them, but never considered we would find everything in one family. But we did. It’s impossible to explain – except to say I gained another family and my son will have everything I hoped and wanted for him.
Yes, I miss him! I don’t sleep well. Somedays I see or hear something that reminds me of him and I can’t function for a bit, or I drop to my knees and cry. I’m grieving. While it feels impossible at times, I know that this was the best decision for him.
I’ve seen the looks when people learn the story. The disbelief in their eyes or the way they can’t look at me afterwards. I carried him to term, labored for days during delivery, carry the physical and emotional scars. I wish you could see and feel the love it took to make this decision for my son to have a better life.
For those mothers who find themselves in similar situations, please call Graceful Adoptions. They will earn your trust and you too may find what you are looking for.