I made what I considered at the time to be, the greatest mistake I could ever have made. I got pregnant on purpose. I already had two children. My son came into my life just a little over a month after my 21st birthday. A few years later I was in a different relationship and the birth control failed. After I became pregnant with my daughter, the relationship failed.
I met another man and really thought he was the one. I got pregnant by accident very early into our fast moving relationship, but he made it easy for me. He dropped to one knee and pulled out the most beautiful ring I had ever seen in my life. He held my hand and asked if I would be his forever. My children loved him.
I ended up having an emotionally draining miscarriage, but we tried again and I soon became pregnant. Then the fights began. He started drinking again. Then one day he stole my car and came home drunk. He demanded his ring back. I left, but when I returned to our apartment three days later he was gone. He had given all of my furniture to our neighbors, taken all of our food, smashed eggs on the walls, broke the dishes and shredded my clothes.
Then things began to get even worse. He threatened my friends. He conspired against me with my father’s daughter; they launched a flurry of reports to Child Protective Services. Every part of my life and home was under a microscope.
That was when I went out and bought that pretty blue sundress, razors and a spiral notebook to write my goodbye letter. But I just couldn’t do it. I ran back to my mother. She listened to my cynical and hysterical ranting about how I’m the most awful person in the world and then quietly reached for the phone book. I asked her what she was doing and she said she was looking for a way to prove that what I thought was a mistake could actually be a blessing. She picked up the phone and began to talk to Graceful Adoptions.
Immediately Graceful Adoptions began working to fix things. They got my utilities turned on that day. Graceful Adoptions even got me a cell phone so that I could call or text if I needed someone to talk to. I got to go home! They swooped in and saved me. Their team did all of that for me and I had only spoken to Karen once. Karen encouraged me not to even think about the adoption process until I was settled down. She just wanted me to focus on me.
The staff asked me what my dream job would be. I decided that the police academy was going to be that next step. After I figured out what my next move for my future was, I began feeling better and better about my present. But there was still one more thing. I still needed to find this baby a mommy and a daddy who would love her forever no matter what my own flaws were.
Graceful Adoptions sat down with me and began asking me questions pertaining to what I felt a perfect set of adoptive parents would be. They had to be stable, but not uptight. They had to be able to set a good example of what love should be. I wanted a couple who was truly in love. The father had to be epic. I’m talking toenail painting, hair braiding and fully ready to listen to the latest gossip epic.
When I read Amy and Lee’s profile, I was blown away. Amy’s life seemed so much like mine would have been if I hadn’t had children so young. I scrolled back up to read the first set of adoptive parents in line. They seemed nice. Then I skipped back down and read Amy and Lee again. Pictures of Lee with his nieces made me tear up.
The day finally came that I got to speak with Amy and Lee. I had butterflies in my stomach all day. I was so nervous but excited all at the same time. The Graceful Adoptions staff and I sat down and talked about what kind of questions I would ask Amy and Lee. At first I was lost, but the Graceful Adoptions’ Birth Parent Coordinator gave me a few starter questions. She even asked if my children had any questions to ask them. Of course they had questions! What color was her room going to be? What were her favorite cartoons going to be? I decided to save those for the face-to-face meeting.
We started the call. I tried to be charismatic. I wanted them to like me. I wanted them to want my baby. But most importantly, I wanted to be sure I really liked them and that I really wanted them to parent my baby. They were everything I wanted to be myself. They finished each other’s sentences. They described to me what their lives were like and I found myself feeling blessed that they were still up for grabs. It had to be them! I knew it had to be them. They were my baby’s parents.
Finally, the day came that I could meet Amy and Lee for the first time. I chose to wear the little blue sundress with pink flowers. It just seemed fitting. Amy and Lee had invited my best friend to join us. With my best friend’s new baby in tow, we all met at a local barbeque joint. Amy looked just as warm and inviting as all of her pictures on the profile. I looked at her, “Amy?” I asked brimming with excitement. “Amy?” she asked with arms open inviting me for a hug. Lee followed just behind her and hugged me as well.
My son got to ask what color his baby sister’s room was going to be. Amy and Lee brought paint samples with them and let my son choose. “What are her favorite cartoons going to be?” he asked. Lee answered in his light British accent. Did I mention Lee is from the United Kingdom? He has family there, reasons to go there and take his new daughter with him. She was guaranteed to see more of the world than I have.
I felt compelled to send Graceful Adoptions this text message: “You will never know just how grateful I am for your existence. Amy and Lee are going to make wonderful parents. Those two, through you, are saving my life. They’re the ones. I think I already knew that, but now I am certain. Thank you for being who and WHAT you are. You’re a savior of lost and unborn souls.”